A Thought in Pain !

my thoughts once complained to me......
during one of those nights when you're left alone with them and the darkness.....
they pop out of your head and start drawing colorful strings on the inner side of your closed eye lids......
you watch them move and try capturing them or at the very least explain what they mean and why they move in such an irrational manner forming different colorful objects that quickly change from one formation to the other...... triangles changing squares then to circles before suddenly bending into sprials that are moving very fast in random directions....
you start feeling your eyes' movement.... and you start realising that you're staring at nothingness..... you open your eyelids to expose your eyes to a bit of relaity away from your crazy thoughts... however.... your eyes are exposed to darkness that prevent it from seeing the reality around it and you're left again with your thougths and this time they haunt you with your eys fully opened and your attention at its peak.... nowhere to run.....
so at one of those nights.... they spoke to me..... they told me so many stories...... but i remember only one of them.....

a thought came to me and told me....
"once upon a time i was just an idea.... then you saw me with your eagle sharp eyes..... and in no time your whole existence was determined to capture me and transform into something bigger, and you did.... you captured the idea .... then you hosted me in your spacious mind long enough for it to feed on the values, principles, teachings, and morals that were kept there.....
the idea fed and grew steadily until it became a well built and mature "thought" waiting for a mid wife to deliver it to the world.... i kept waiting for so long to be delivered to the world but it just never happened..... i started knocking on your eyelids every night to remind you i'm still there... i'm alive... i'm waiting for a mid wife to pull me to the world......

and one day you decided to let go of me.... you decided to free me from your mind to the world of endless opportunities..... you started pushing..... and the mid wife started pulling..... and a new thought was about to be delivered to the world... a new thought was about to come and take the chance of changing the world.....

however.... the new thought (myself) came out deformed, weak and not capable of breating in the world of opportunities..... just like a fish jumping from the water to capture a bird in the air before falling on the shore with the bird in its mouth..... the bird eventually flies while the fish dies away...... "

i'm sorry my dear thought..... i killed you... i know i did..... i didn't give you a fair chance..... i raised you in my mind since your were an irrelevant idea until you became a mature thought and forgot to tell you that you can't breathe except arabic because that's where you lived and because that's how you matured...... you breathed arabic all the way through...... and when it was time to release you... i released you to the world where you can't breathe but english..... you choked, struggled, fought for a word of english that would express you the way you were intended to be..... but your efforts were all in vain... you became a prisoner of a language that wanted to define you in its own manner away from the way you were intended to be...... away from the way you wished to be..... you were born arab but forced to speak and act english......

forced?? no YOU ARE not.... no I AM not......

i'm the one who created the barriers... i'm the one who provided you with nothing but a foreign air to breather from..... i deprived you from the air you wished for... the air you were breating as an idea and as a growing resident of my mind..... i did not prepare for the exit.... i did not tell the mid wife where to take you to after she pulls you away from my mind...... and you were completely deformed.... with your character and spirit molested by the effect of the foreign storm....